Feeling stuck in your career? The shockingly simple solution you need to know.
Do you pride yourself on being able to think through solutions to difficult problems? Do you value being self-sufficient? Do you prefer figuring it out on your own to asking for help?
Maybe you've even developed a reputation for this. People describe you as "adaptable," "flexible," "creative," and "a quick learner."
It's part of what's made you so successful in the first place: what you don't know, you simply figure out.
Challenging boss? Stretch assignment? New subject matter? You figure it out.
It's what you do. It's who you are. Which is why it's so disorienting when you're feeling stuck in your career and can't seem to figure it out.
You don't think twice about helping others, but when it comes to asking for help, well, you just prefer not to do it. It feels awkward and needy. And people just aren't used to you asking.
Your self-sufficiency is an absolute strength, but like any strength, it can also be a blind spot.
The Curse of Being Self-sufficient
In my early years as a consultant, the "Figure it out!" exhortation was frequently invoked. We were constantly thrown into new experiences with challenging constraints where the expectation was to find a way forward.
It can be extremely empowering—as long as you’re able to figure it out. But it also creates a stigma around asking for support when you get stuck. Which we all do.
Whenever someone deigned to ask for more direction or (gasp) more time, my manager would vent to me in exasperation, "Why can't they just figure it out?!"
It’s how I learned to NOT ask for help, especially when it came to my career. For years, I saw asking for help as weakness. For years, I valued my own answer over a *better* answer coming from someone else. For years, I incorrectly interpreted "figuring it out" as "figuring it out on my own."
The result? Years of career dissatisfaction, frustration, and unfulfilled potential.
Years—and many ill-informed career decisions—later, I learned that asking others for help is one of the smartest (and strongest) things you can do, especially when you're trying to make lasting, meaningful career change.
The Danger Of Waiting To Figure It Out First
Now that I'm aware of my own blind spot, I see it everywhere. Here are just a few of the delay tactics I’ve heard that stop people from getting the very answers they need to get unstuck:
"I haven't made progress since we last spoke. Should we postpone our meeting?"
"I want to wait to reach out to people until I have more clarity."
"I need more time to formulate my questions."
"I don't want to waste anyone’s time."
This is *exactly* when you need to lean on others. When what you've been doing isn't working. When you're in your head instead of out in the world. When you're talking yourself out of ideas as quickly as you're coming up with them. When you’re struggling to get clarity, and it’s just getting muddier.
Feeling stuck in your career? The shockingly simple solution is that...
Leaders Ask For Help
Real leaders know they don’t have all the answers. They understand the strength in relying on others to point out blind spots, fill in knowledge gaps, and provide the emotional and psychological support we all need.
They surround themselves with people who challenge them, bring different perspectives, and offer unique expertise.
No one can lead from the front all the time. True leadership is giving others the opportunity to lead. And the ideas that emerge are so much more powerful when we tap into the collective.
I’m in a helping profession. It’s what I do. But the older I get, the more I appreciate the grace and ease of also receiving help—and look for ways to ask for it.
Tell People What You Really Want Before You Talk Yourself Out of It
Too often, people talk themselves out of what they really want because they assume it’s not possible. Meanwhile, they haven’t even told people what they want to see if that’s actually true! Putting it out there gives you a fighting chance to actually get it.
Before you decide on your own that it doesn’t exist, plant the seed with others to test in the real world.
Want a 6-month design gig as a bridge to starting your own design company? Say that. Looking for a marketing opportunity at a socially-responsible organization? Say that. Like your current role but want a three-day work week? Say that.
Leveraging others is a great way to challenge your assumptions about what’s truly possible. And it trains people to think of you first when they see an opportunity that aligns—or work with you to create it.
Figuring Out Your Career Doesn't Need To Be Rocket Science
People want to help, so you need to ask for the support you want.
It doesn’t even need be directly-related to your career. Maybe you need extra help around the house so you can dedicate more time to your career goals. Maybe it’s asking your spouse to just listen and validate your feelings rather than trying to “fix.” Maybe it’s asking family to NOT ask you about your career unless you bring it up. You get to decide what help you want.
My clients consistently marvel at how complete strangers are willing to help with their career—once they start sharing what they truly want.
You don't have to figure out anything before you ask for help. All you need is the willingness to talk things through and take action. Talk about what you already know and share openly what you’re still trying to figure out. Talking it out brings clarity and new ways of thinking. It opens doors and creates opportunities.
The simple act of sharing that you’re trying to figure out a way to get from Point A to Point C narrows people’s attention to how they can best support you. They start sending job opportunities, they make an introduction to an important new contact for you, they mention a potential career path you hadn’t considered. They get you thinking in different ways just by telling you what they hear when you share your goals with them. The possibilities are limitless.
It all starts with not trying to do it all on your own for once.
Be honest with yourself and others about what you want. Share your challenges and open questions. Meet with interesting people who are already doing what you want or have the power to help you.
One. Step. At. A. Time.
Yes, it's that simple.
If you’re ready for a meaningful change but are feeling stuck in your career, leverage the power of others and ask for help. You’ll be glad you did.
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Author Bio:
Before becoming a coach, Caroline worked in management consulting and financial services. She's made it her mission to help people grow, contribute, and get wherever they want to go.
She’s also a tennis fanatic, aspiring Minimalist, FIRE (Financial Independence and Retire Early) enthusiast, and Aloha Spirit seeker 🤙. She loves to share stories from her unconventional life and career focused on freedom, creativity, fun, health, family, and community. If she can do it, you can, too.
The life and career you want is possible once you have the roadmap. Take the first step by downloading your free guide: 4 Steps To Take Back Your Life and Design a Career With Purpose.
