How to Find Your Life's Purpose (When You're Struggling)
Are you struggling in your career? Wondering how to find your life’s purpose? Let me tell you a story.
It was 7pm on the eve of a holiday weekend.
My boss decided it was time for me to complete a project she’d been putting off for years.
She stood behind my chair and barked orders, reaching over me to jab at the computer screen.
The situation was further complicated by the fact that she was eating pretzels.
By “eating,” I mean savagely cramming them into her mouth as a vengeful giant would eat tiny villagers. And by “pretzels,” I mean those colossal, powdery dutch pretzels that shatter on contact, discharging shards of rock salt in every direction.
She would periodically brush the salty detritus off my shoulders because she cared.
Blinking to keep the salt from my eyes as damp pretzel fragments rained down, I had two thoughts:
This is my rock bottom.
At least there’s no dipping sauce.
I also got a lightning bolt of clarity about purpose and how I was defining it all wrong.
If you’re thinking of making a career shift and struggling to find purpose, let’s dig in.
To Find Your Purpose Ask, “Who Do I Want to Be?”
Until that point, I’d been trying to find my life’s purpose by asking, “What Do I Want to Do?”
What I wanted to do was coach full-time.
Yet pretzels aside, I wasn’t ready to leave my corporate job.
I felt increasingly detached from my purpose because I was defining it based on my job description.
I decided in that moment to ask a different question: Who Do I Want to Be?
Here’s why it’s the best question to ask when you’re struggling to find your purpose.
Purpose Is Internal, Not External
At some point, we shift away from believing that the perfect job, more money, or higher status is the answer.
We rightly recognize the importance of purpose and meaning in our day-to-day.
The challenge arises when we search for purpose outside of ourselves. We look for a role or external indicator to provide the answer. We treat purpose as a destination to be discovered.
Most people focus on what they want to do and how to get there.
How do I find my life’s purpose?
What do I want to do?
Who do I need to talk to?
What are the right roles and organizations to target?
Before you ask these questions, I invite you to do the work that’s deeper and much more fundamental: Being honest with yourself about who you truly want to be in the world and the impact you want to make.
And then addressing what’s really getting in the way of your being that person.
Then start being that person right now.
Channel her in every moment. What would she say in this situation? What would she do? What would she wear?
Do you see how this separates you from your circumstances and puts you in the driver’s seat?
You don’t find purpose. You create it in every moment.
Purpose comes from within. It’s the meaning you bring to your actions. Don’t let your job define your purpose. Let your purpose define your job.
When You’re Struggling In Your Career Purpose Is Available 24/7
I’m 100% about helping people design careers with purpose, so I’m not suggesting that what you do isn’t important for your happiness and fulfillment.
I’m simply saying that it starts with getting clear on who you are at your best, then looking for the opportunities that align with that.
When you begin walking through your life owning your purpose, the external opportunities suddenly appear.
And while you’re figuring out those external career questions, you can still live a meaningful life and infuse your current job—whatever it is—with purpose.
Take it from someone who found purpose under a pile of pretzel dust.
Once I asked myself who I wanted to be, I instantly changed how I showed up. My external situation was the same—same boss, same grind.
But I was different, and that was the bridge I needed to give myself time and space to be fulfilled on the journey to creating the external circumstances that aligned with my internal purpose.
As high-achievers, we put so much pressure on ourselves to figure it all out—often by the time we're 30, 35, 40, or some other arbitrary milestone. This technique gives you permission to take the pressure off.
By asking who you want to be, you can always find ways to learn, stay engaged, and bring meaning. The results are immediate. You can start anytime, anywhere.
Making Purpose a Habit
Since the Pretzel Incident, I’ve asked myself this fundamental question many times: Who do I want to BE in this moment?
I still take 5 minutes most mornings to write down the energy I want to bring to important interactions, how I want others to feel, and how I want to connect.
I focus on being who I want to be regardless of what I'm doing or who I'm working with.
This is not to say that I always succeed, which is why the habit is important.
By asking who you want to be, you can bring purpose to whatever you’re doing.
No career is 100% amazingness all the time, but when you’re leading from your purpose, even the most insignificant tasks are connected to something bigger. And it’s easier to drop the tasks that aren’t.
What Business Are You In?
One of my favorite illustrations of learning how to find your life’s purpose is this brilliant story about Herb Kelleher, former CEO of Southwest Airlines.
Post 9/11, as airlines were struggling, Kelleher kept asking himself, "Why am I in the airline business?"
He soon realized asking the question this way would lead him to act exactly like his competitors. So he asked himself, "What business am I really in?" until he realized he was in the business of love.
I know, I know, it’s a bit cheesy. But this reframe led him to an incredibly uncommon, heart-centric, and courageous leadership decision.
Instead of laying off his employees, as all the other airlines were doing, he pulled them together, shared the company's financial challenges and asked for their opinion. The employees collectively voted to take a pay cut to keep their jobs; no one was laid off.
This story shows how our thinking expands when we remove the constraints of What We Do and shift to Who We Want To Be.
Your Purpose Transcends Your Job Description
Struggling in your career and wondering how to find your life’s purpose? Go beyond your job description.
I see this constraint a lot as people struggle to find their purpose.
They get locked into thinking about job titles or industries or career paths—which can be extremely limiting, especially if they have a diverse set of skills and interests.
This jumps them straight to the end of the process before they’ve done the work of understanding what they’re trying to get out of it.
Recently, I decided to take a page from old Herb's book and revisit my WHY. Why am I a coach? What brought me here in the first place? What motivates me to continue to do this every day?
I really challenged myself to answer these not from the perspective of how I spend my time—coaching/writing/running a business—but from the impact I want to make in the world.
What emerged for me was a set of 4 principles around holistic living, leadership, empowerment, feminism, and equity that underpin everything I do.
It gave me a ton of clarity about what drives me in my business today and even some ideas about what I'd like to tackle tomorrow.
And here's what's really cool: I could live out my 4 principles in so MANY different careers if I chose.
Even if you're in a career you enjoy, these questions can help you suss out your calling within that career, how you want to lead, and the impact you want to make.
And maybe they can even help you prioritize how you're spending time outside of your career.
So if you're at the point in your career where you’re struggling to find purpose and thinking about where to go next, instead of jumping to the end point of job title/role description, try channeling Herb and step wayyy back. That’s how to find your life’s purpose.
If you know you need a change but don’t know what that looks like, don’t lose hope. You just need a roadmap.
Download my free guide: 4 Steps To Take Back Your Life and Design a Career With Purpose
Author Bio:
Before becoming a coach, Caroline worked in management consulting and financial services. She's made it her mission to help people grow, contribute, and get wherever they want to go.
She’s also a tennis fanatic, aspiring Minimalist, FIRE (Financial Independence and Retire Early) enthusiast, and Aloha Spirit seeker 🤙. She loves to share stories from her unconventional life and career focused on freedom, creativity, fun, health, family, and community. If she can do it, you can, too.
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