How To Talk About Yourself Without Bragging
“I know I need to market myself. But how do I talk about myself without bragging?” I hear this question a lot. And if you’re like most people, thinking about how to “market yourself” makes your insides shrivel.
But there are times where talking about your unique blend of skills and experience is crucial for your career success.
Yet because it feels like “bragging,” people at all levels of their careers play down their accomplishments and shy away from talking about the value they bring to the table—even when the situation requires it.
So they stay silent, keep their heads down, and bank on someone else taking notice.
Sometimes this works out. More often it doesn’t, and they’re left wondering why they don’t have the career they want.
Here’s why learning how to market yourself is so important, one simple shift to change it from feeling icky to authentic, and 3 ways to talk about yourself without bragging.
Why It’s Important To Learn How To Market Yourself
Here’s a story of two Directors, a man and a woman. Both wanted to be promoted to Managing Director.
At the end of promotion cycle, the man was promoted; the woman wasn’t.
Why?
Their manager said, “The male Director told me he wanted to be promoted. The female Director didn’t, so I didn’t know it was important to her.”
Yes, the manager should have known better.
But this scenario plays out all the time. So until we solve the larger issues of unconscious bias and leaders doing a better job leading, we need to advocate for ourselves.
The biggest “marketing” problem? We grossly overestimate the extent to which people understand what we actually want in our careers.
If you don’t tell people what want, how can they help you get it?!
Start here: Do your closest friends, family, and colleagues know exactly what you're looking for in your next career move?
I don’t mean a vague sense that you’re unhappy or that you’re looking for something different.
I’m asking if they’re clear enough to take reasonable action in support of you: sending you a job posting, making an introduction, brainstorming your next step, advocating on your behalf, etc.
It’s passive income for your career. And it starts with something as simple as talking about what you like and are good at.
Focus On Connecting the Dots
Bragging is excessive or boastful speaking when the situation doesn’t call for it. It centers you to the exclusion of others.
If you want to talk about yourself without bragging, focus on connecting the dots between:
1) What you like and are good at, and
2) What’s most important to the person you’re talking to.
It’s a simple, just-the-facts approach. No bragging required.
It’s about aligning your career happiness and fulfillment with their biggest pain points and desired outcomes.
It’s not bragging to talk about your skills and accomplishments in an interview, performance review, or pivotal conversation hinged on rewards and recognition; it’s communicating that you understand what’s important to others.
Nor is it bragging to talk about your strengths, interests, and goals in networking conversations; it’s demonstrating how you can add value to them in a way that’s descriptive and memorable.
But understanding that it’s important doesn't mean you're comfortable doing it.
Here are 3 ways to talk about yourself with authenticity, clarity, and confidence.
1. Write Yourself Back Into the Story
We’ve all heard about the power of telling stories.
And many people effectively do this—when it comes to others.
I worked with someone who used precious time with senior management to showcase her team because they weren’t getting the recognition they deserved.
Admirable, right? We need more leaders like her. The challenge was that she wasn’t being recognized either, and by leaving out her own considerable contributions, she unwittingly wrote herself out of the story.
If your team does the heavy lifting and you want to acknowledge it, celebrate them!
But you set the stage for their success, which deserves to be celebrated as well.
You can recognize your team’s efforts and include yourself in the story.
The higher you climb in the organization, the more intangible your contributions become. Intangible doesn’t mean unimportant.
The more behind-the-scenes your contributions are, the more important it is to strategically showcase them.
Here’s a formula to give and receive credit where it’s due: Senior management provided x, my team focused on y, which enabled me to focus on z.
“What was great about [insert example], was that senior management gave me the autonomy to run with a bold idea. My team worked tirelessly to come up with creative yet realistic recommendations, which enabled me to focus on the big picture questions that ultimately got us the best answer for us and our clients.”
Everyone wins.
(Bonus points if you also throw your peers some love.)
2. Fill the Gaps With Curiosity and Passion
It can feel especially challenging to talk about yourself when you’re feeling less than confident.
A client was heading into an interview for which she was absolutely qualified. But the job posting listed some technology she wasn't familiar with.
Rather than focusing on the numerous ways her experience and skills helped her stand out, she worried about the one area she lacked.
How could she confidently talk about herself from that place?
So we reconnected her to the excitement about the job as a whole, what she most wanted them to know about her, and what she knew she could bring Day 1.
She also reframed her concern about the new technology in terms of a strength, "I'm really pretty good at picking up new things quickly," and remembered that she'd wanted a challenge that was "just right" for her. She reasoned, "Maybe coming up to speed with the new technology is exactly the challenge I need."
This is the opposite of bragging: it’s owning your strengths AND being transparent about areas for growth.
By talking about the things that excite and move you, your energy automatically follows. It feels great to talk about—and to hear. When was the last time you listened to someone speak passionately without getting caught up in their enthusiasm?
Connect with your own stories and big picture motivation with phrases like:
I’m passionate about…
I’m fascinated by…
I want to answer these types of questions…
I'm in my element when...
Address your concerns about a growth opportunity head-on by:
Expressing your interest in taking on the "right" challenge for you
Asking direct questions to better understand their expectations and support for getting up-to-speed
After all, who wants a role with no opportunity for growth? The key is aligning those growth opportunities with what's most important to you.
3. Let Others Lend You Their Voices
If you’re still struggling to sing your own praises, borrow someone else’s voice.
Mine your 360-degree feedback, letters of recommendation, and everyday compliments. Then use them to help you tell the story:
“I’ve been told I’m good at [insert strength].”
“People always comment on my [insert skill].”
“Somebody once said [insert compliment], and it stuck with me because…”
“I was really proud of [insert project or accomplishment] because [insert reason] and got a lot of positive feedback for the way I [insert unique contribution].”
Learning How To Talk About Yourself Without Bragging Is a Habit You Can Build
Speaking with confidence about the value you bring is a habit you can build.
My goal is to make the process of marketing yourself become second nature.
Imagine communicating your value so effortlessly that it becomes just another tool in your leadership toolbox…so you can focus on doing the work and strategically remind people where your valuable skills and experience are best leveraged. Everyone wins.
If you can’t—or won’t—articulate what you bring to the table, how do you expect anyone else to?
I hope you’re beginning to see how to talk about yourself without bragging. Learning how to market yourself gets to be as easy and generous as connecting the dots for others. Give these techniques a try and let me know how it goes.
Ready to go after what you want in your career with confidence and clarity?
Building a powerful network is a key component of my free 4-step roadmap: Take Back Your Life and Design a Career With Purpose
Author Bio:
Before becoming a coach, Caroline worked in management consulting and financial services. She's made it her mission to help people grow, contribute, and get wherever they want to go.
She’s also a tennis fanatic, aspiring Minimalist, FIRE (Financial Independence and Retire Early) enthusiast, and Aloha Spirit seeker 🤙. She loves to share stories from her unconventional life and career focused on freedom, creativity, fun, health, family, and community. If she can do it, you can, too.
The life and career you want is truly possible once you have the roadmap. Take the first step by downloading her free career roadmap.
